Trade you that donkey for 1 small child and whatever’s in my IRA…

What the eff, people?

(CNN) — Trading two children for a bird landed three people in jail in Louisiana, authorities say.

The biological mother, who was not involved in the alleged trade, is to be interviewed by authorities Friday. Investigators seek further details about a case that they say unfolded this way:

Paul and Brandy Romero advertised that they were selling their pet cockatoo for $1,500.

A woman named Donna Greenwell responded and said she wanted to buy the bird. Greenwell then told the Romeros that she was taking care of three children whose biological parents were going through a separation.

Greenwell proposed selling two of the couple’s children to the Romeros for $2,000, saying that her job as a truck driver made it hard to take care of the children, said Capt. Keith Dupre of the Evangeline Parrish Sheriff’s Office in Louisiana.

The parties allegedly negotiated a trade involving the two kids, the bird and $175.

An anonymous tipster contacted authorities after the children began living with the Romeros.

As a result, Greenwell and the Romeros were arrested February 21 and charged with aggravated kidnapping, Dupre said.

The children were well taken care of when they were with the Romeros, who badly wanted children, according to Dupre.

Greenwell said she needed the cash for a lawyer to handle adoption paperwork, authorities said.

She had placed the third child with another Louisiana couple, Dupre said, but he didn’t know whether bartering was involved.

The two children were ages 4 and 5, according to CNN affiliate WGNO.

Police did not identify the biological parents, and no other information was available. The children have been placed in foster care.

Combo Platter Ailment

So…due to the fact that I bragged about my ability to only get halfway sick over the past two years, karma decided to kick me in the babymaker and give me every ailment plaguing most humans this time of year.

Step 1: Itchy, scratchy throat and achiness

Step 2: It’s just meeee and youuu.  (NKOTB reference.  Sorry.  Just kidding.)  Step 2 is actually losing voice and getting a stuffy, snotty nose.

Step 3: Develop cough, stuffy, snotty nose, sore throat and headache, start sounding like Afentra after a hard night of drinking and smoking.

Step 4: Oddly lose stuffy nose and cough for approximately 3 hours but start getting the chills and running a fever.

Step 5: Vomit and…other stuff.  But wow, I can breathe!

Step 6: Stomach’s all better but all the cold symptoms are back and in full force.
What the effing effer?  I wonder if those Tylenol Cold and Flu drugs really treat all cold and ALL possible flu symptoms.  Doubtful.  I just need something to knock me the hell out.

Anyway, since I’m at home and resting up, I needed something to lighten up my day.  Check this out, and if you don’t laugh and/or smile, you are sans soul:

Start Spreadin’ the News…

A little over a week ago–Friday the 13th to be exact–The Dude and I hosted a Rat Pack Party.  I’ll just let the pictures tell ya how it went.

The Dude

The Dame

Princess, Ethan, Dah

Tab and Jo

You! Come here! We need a picture together!

Our picture together.

Okay, so I really don’t know what’s going on in the following series of pictures, so beware…

Boob Grabbage

And all of a sudden, I turn into Michael Jackson!

Meredith and Aaron. Love this pic for some reason.

David and Will--Deep in Discussion

Jo being hottt

More Kitchen Discussion

Daniel and Mer

And now the bunny ears start...

Mmm, martini...you're so dirty.

I actually can't remember what this was about, so I'll make something up. "You! Drink." or "What's that smell? Who did it?"

There's the other bunny ears pic.

Daniel makes the pic.

Nolan the Magnificent

That YOU, Aaron Cathey...for coming to our party.

This about sums up how I felt by the end of the night.

Cat-Calling

This evening, I got the call I’ve been both hoping for and dreading: there’s finally room for Frankie and Ronaldo at The Pet Connection.

I know I can’t keep them…It’s for the best… but it makes my heart hurt.

Decrypt this comment!

Not gonna lie…I love getting SPAM comments.  Here’s my most recent one:

1SmMCw ivykwe  jwbffdafda [url=http://cjnuj pquoxbu.com/]cjnujpquoxbu[/url], [link=http://uvxiqn bkeysx.com/]uvxiqnb keysx[/link], http://cfbhu  xjbsdfdant.com/

(I’ve put spaces and unlinked each one of the links within that comment so you guys won’t accidentally click on them and sh*tify your compys.)

It’s like some people don’t even try anymore.  I mean, come on.  Show me some sex or drugs or money scams or goats or something.  Make me want to click on it.

So I feel like poo and like a zombie.  A poo zombie.  A zombie poo.  At this moment, I think I feel more like a zombie made of poo than a zombie’s actual poo, but things could change.  Night, kids.

Bite me

Cheers! Yeast gene map could mean better beer

By Michael Kahn
LONDON (Reuters) – Researchers have mapped the DNA of dozens of strains of yeast used for brewing, baking and biofuels, something they said Wednesday will help map the human genome and could lead to better-tasting beer and wine. This means brewers can pick the best strains to make beer with more flavour or perhaps help vintners bottle wine that lasts longer after opening, Ed Louis of the University of Nottingham in Britain and colleagues reported in the journal Nature. “We now have a view of the variation across the entire species, which will allow us to make better combinations for better uses of things like beer and wine,” Louis said in a telephone interview. “I’m going to be using it to create better strains for biofuel production.”

Yeast has long been used as a model for studying cancer, ageing and diseases like Alzheimer’s in humans because many of its genes are similar to ours. It also has as many genetic variations as human DNA, the researchers said. The team mapped the genes of more than 70 strains of yeast used around the world for baking bread, brewing beer and making wine. They also looked at wild strains found in oak bark. Because the genetic map of yeast is much smaller than the human genome, the researchers were able to more quickly and cheaply map all the genetic differences in many different strains, Louis said. Besides offering ways to improve beer, wine and bread, the maps could provide a model scientists can use to build computer software needed to scan the more complex human genome, Louis said.

I’m sorry, but the very first thing I thought of after reading this was a human loaf of bread.

What a Hot Baguette

*Insert pun here* Ex: “I’d take a bite out of that!”  “Hard on the outside, soft on the inside!”  Ohhhhhh…snap…?

Caption This

One of the first things I looked at today...God, help me.

How would you caption this?  Taking suggestions now…

And why is there a bucket in the background?

Self…SABOTAGE!

I just went for my first personal training session ever!  It was pretty nice and not as…I don’t know…personal as I thought it was going to be.   I’m pretty sure I could’ve looked up all of the exercises she told me to do and created my own routine, but what the hell.  It was nice having someone say, “If you do this, you will get the results you want.”

Anyway, after my hour long workout routine, I proceeded to come to work and have a crab rangoon and an egg roll for lunch.

Have I mentioned this personal trainer also has a nutritional service?  That might be the next step.  Ha!

Save the Account Manager, Save the World

So I was curling my hair this morning, when I hear this creaking noise, kind of like a door opening.  I’m like, “What the…It sounds like it’s coming from outside…”

I quickly peer around the corner to see if it was the front door.  No.

I walk around the corner to see if it was the closet door that BeBe likes to open for some reason (because there isn’t a latch to really keep it closed).  No.

It’s the door leading out to our garage, and KiKi’s just standing there like, “Cool.  Hey Mom, gonna feed me again?”  The weirdest and creepy part about it is that the door is LOCKED.  How in the heck did it open when: a) all doors in the garage are closed, hence no draft to push it open, and b) the door was/is LOCKED?

Hawwwwt.

Freakin’ weird.  Maybe the house is haunted or KiKi/BeBe/I have superpowers.  Just put me on Heroes!

Anyone else out there have superpowers?

I feel so Facebook-y.

25 Things about Missy D:

1) I want to learn to snowboard and surf.

2) I know I need to be doing something artsy and creative for a career, but I’m still trying to figure out what it is.  It will more than likely be working for myself as well and involving photography, fashion, writing, music and/or a combo of all four.  That would be awesome sauce.

3) Despite my unorganization, indecisiveness, laid back attitude and flighty nature, I have perfectionist tendencies.  I’m too idealistic and want to be everything to everyone at all times and, many times, think I can be.  I’m a huge critic of myself.

4) I love the outdoors.  Even though I love the little house we’re in right now, I know I HAVE to end up in a place that allows me to go for walks and enjoy my surroundings (and feel safe doing so).

5) I’m allergic to cats but own them.

6) I love clothes and fashion, but I hate shopping for them.  98% of the time, I don’t try anything on before I buy it at the store.

7) I like watching video games…especially scary ones.

I don’t like scary movies.

9) I live in my sweatpants after work and on weekends when I’m not out with friends.

10) I taught myself how to play guitar when I was 14 but didn’t develop my skills too much.

11) I’m pretty sure I appear snotty when I first meet (most) people.  If I meet someone one-on-one, I’m very friendly and outgoing.  If I meet someone new as part of a bigger group, I get really shy and quiet.  What a weirdo.

12) I consider one of my hidden talents writing silly parody songs.  Just ask about my Revolutionary War song (written to Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody”).  I haven’t written one in awhile…hmmm…

13) I used to be obsessed with Mexican food, but now I’m all about sushi.  I could eat it for lunch and dinner every day.  If I could drink Nigori sake with it every meal…even better!

14) From about age 7 to age 13 or 14, I was the fat kid in school.  It sucked and still affects me, I think.

15) On a lighter note, I think baby animals are the best thing in the world.  I LOVE those stupid mass emails with pictures of baby animals in them, so keep ‘em coming!

16) I’m one of the most random people in the world.  I could have a conversation with anyone about anything.  No, really.  I’ve taken conversations about work to cheese to wizards to monkeys with chainsaws to window washers in sparkly bras.

17) I’ve never let my natural hair color exist for more than two and a half months since age 14.  (I started growing a lot of white hairs in 5th grade.  However, I should have pretty, snow white hair when I’m old.)

18) I’ve had extensions twice.  The first time was kinda crappy, but I’ve loved this last time.  I might be hooked.

19) I could have gone to the University of Miami, TCU or Florida International…but I freakin went to KU.  Sometimes, I kick myself for bypassing that experience, but there are some things/people I have NOW that I wouldn’t trade for the world.

20) Speaking of the world, I hope to travel around Europe and South America some day (at least for a little while).  I LOVE traveling.

21) I’m addicted to Coke Zero.  I’ve given up pop for Lent the past two years but always come back to it with a vengence.

22) I love to read, but I can’t stand reading the following authors’ books:  Hemingway, Kerouac and F. Scott Fitzgerald.

23) I was a vegetarian for two and a half years just because I never ate it that much in the first place.

24) A lot of people think Monday is the worst day of the week, but I dread Tuesdays.  It’s not quite the middle of the week, and you’re definitely out of the relaxation mode from the weekend by that point.

25) I have at least five other blogs out there on the Interwebs because I went through a phase of creating one and forgetting the password…so I created another blog…and forgot the password.  Rinse and repeat.