Internet Randomness–Volume…at least, 4…right?

A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.

Better to be safe than………………..Punch a 5th grader
Strike while the …………………….Bug is close
It’s always darkest before…………… Daylight Savings Time
Never underestimate the power of……….Termites
You can lead a horse to water but……..how?
Don’t bite the hand that…………….. looks dirty
No news is…………………………..impossible
A miss is as good as a……………….Mr.
You can’t teach an old dog new…………math
If you lie down with dogs, you’ll………stink in the morning
Love all, trust……………………..me
The pen is mightier than the…………..pigs
An idle mind is……………………..The best way to relax
Where there’s smoke there’s……………pollution
Happy the bride who…………………..gets all the presents
A penny saved is……………………..not much
Two’s company, three’s………………..the Musketeers
Don’t put off till tomorrow what……….you put on to go to bed
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and…….you have to blow your nose.
None are so blind as………………….Stevie Wonder
Children should be seen and not………..spanked or grounded
If at first you don’t succeed………….get new batteries
You get out of something what you………see pictured on the box
When the blind leadeth the blind……….get out of the way

And the favorite:

Better late than…………………….pregnant.

Speaking of which…since I’m so good at stick figure drawings:

And because I can’t think of anything else…Exploding Bananas!

Just Another Friday Night

Hey derrrr.  You know what time it is!  It’s…Looking Back and Reflecting on Recent Events…Time.  Stuff.  And such as maps.

First, let’s just sum up one Friday night a couple of weeks ago:

Hi David.

But Nolan was pleased!

Nah, it all really wasn’t that bad.  It was actually a very fun and entertaining night.  There was bouncy ball…

There was a Jimmy John’s employee with a strange tattoo…

Cathey enjoyed his sammich…

There was dancing…

And…screw it.  I’ll just let the pictures do the rest of the talking…

And now, ladies and gentleman, I present to you…

Boxhead David

Oh no! Watch out! He's going to attack!

Or just help create one of the greatest pics of the night!

Stay tuned for March Madness Watch Party Pics…and Spring Snow Fun Time!

Bananas and Poopy Undershirts

I’m drying my tears. No really, I’ve been laughing that hard for the past 10 minutes or so (and I’m sure The Dude’s like “what the eff, lady?” by this point). I just stumbled across the generatorland.com site, and found their Hall of Fame page. Maybe I’m just really tired, but I was laughing so hard I was brought to tears throughout. Here are some of my faves:

Britney Spears Tour Name Generator
Train Wrecks and Paparazzi Hell Yes! 2009

Beaver Shots and Bacon Live 2009

Nipple Rings and Fried Bananas Across the World 2009

Cheeto Dust Forever Across America 2009

Greek God Generator
Morphacia, God of Omelet Design and Intolerance

Glaucousia, God of Slipcovers and Lisps

Thesmen, God of Bedding and Entropy

Mulciemis, God of Slipcovers and Sewage

Sick Clown Name Generator
Scummo Bottle Face

Boffo Carney Tinkle

Gutso Poopy Undershirts

Blimpo Hillbilly Balls

Summer Olympics Event Generator
Men’s Platform Backpedaling

Team Synchronized Mingling Relay

Women’s Greco-Roman Sock Sorting

Women’s Farting

Yes, I am easily entertained, but I think these were so funny because I always create visuals…of everything. Whether that’s good or bad, I don’t know. At least I’m still laughing…

Supercalifragilisticexpumpupthejamalidocious

From Suite101 (and tell me what’s wrong with the following playlist):

Warm-Up

When choosing your playlists, it’s helpful to build it with the
structure of your workout in mind. First, there should be tunes for
your warm-up. These songs should be upbeat, with mid-level beats per
minute of around 135-160. They should get your gears rolling. Any genre
that suits you will work. The following are some sample songs, complete
with their artists and genres that would be well suited for your next
warm-up:

It’s the Hard Knock Life by Aileen Quinn (Soundtrack)

Easy by Bare Naked Ladies (Rock)

The Distance by Cake (Rock)

I Feel Like Traveling On by the Cockman Family (Christian)

Hard Candy by Counting Crows (Rock)

Get Off This by Cracker (Alternative)

Crash into Me by Dave Matthews Band (Rock)

Chim Chim Cher-ee by Dick Van Dyke and Julie Andrews (Children’s Music)

Black Water by The Doobie Brothers (Rock)

Feel Good Inc. by Gorillaz (Alternative)

The Way I Am by Ingrid Michealson (Pop)

…..*crickets*  *crickets*….  One of these things is not like the other.

And The Poppins breezes past what's-his-nuts-Dick-Van-Dyke and lays it in for 2!!!

I’m sorry, but since when is Mary Poppins considered warm-up music?  Should I start downloading Disney movie soundtracks to get pumped up?

Imagine going to the next (insert favorite sports’ team) game and instead of hearing “We Will Rock You” or “Tootsie Roll” or something like that, you hear “I Just Can’t Wait to Be King.”  Sweet.

I’ve Been Google’d!

It’s the small things in life that keep me happy, at least when it comes to this blog.  I just noticed today in the “Top Searches” section of my WordPress dashboard that people are finally Google-ing “missydetrick.wordpress.com.”  Yay me.  Now on to the rest of the terms people use to stumble onto my blog:

Top Searches

mad lips,  penisring,  bunny ears,  missydetrick.wordpress.com,  mad lips entries

I’m gonna go ahead and guess that people search for “mad libs” but accidentally type “mad lips.”  I really don’t know how this blog is automatically shown for those searching for “penisring.”  Sinners.  (Note: “penisring” not penis ring.  Two words, people.  If you’re gonna search for penis rings, do it right…And therrrre’s my quote for the day.)

And because we all enjoy a little Queen from time to time, I’d like to show an analysis (and random chart of the pie variety):

STDs, Photobombs and…MORE Unicorns

I, personally, do not have any words for the following clip.  However, Best Week Ever! managed to capture the essence of this video quite eloquently:

“Last night, Adam Lambert took the Johnny Cash song “Ring Of Fire”, impregnated it with a unicorn, sent it to India, gave it an STD test, and read the results of that test with a sitar strumming in the background on live television.”

In other news, I’ve come to realize just how much I love photobombing.  What is photobombing?  The best way to explain would be to show, so here:

There’s the classic “stick your hand in someone else’s pose” photobomb:

The “I don’t even know I’m photobombing” photobomb:

And there’s even the “quickly get into the picture…somehow” photobomb:

Because I’m approximately five years old, give or take 21 years or so, I find the act of ruining someone’s serious picture with a goofy face HIGH-LARRious.  Needless to say, some of my favorites are the ones with the goofiest faces:

I’m now on a mission to find more of these kinds of photos online.  (It seems like the same 30 pics are floating around everywhere.  Lame.)  I’ll keep you posted.  And you’ll love it.

Happy Star Saved My Life

And just to be even more random:

Happy Monday and St.  Patty’s Day Eve, kids!

Things That Make You Go…”What the f*ck?!”

Every season, there’s always one fashion trend that makes me want to punch someone in the throat.  The time has come again, so I shall reveal the winner of this season’s…throat punching…award:

The Effing Gladiator Sandal

I don’t have many feelings for this type of shoe other than ultimate hatred.  Some people HATE feet and, even though I don’t consider myself a foot-hater, these sandals make me HATE feet.  Your feet are automatically wretched for having worn these.  Ech.  I also don’t understand why gladiators supposedly wore these because they’re not very protective.  I mean, you could easily get a sword or dagger to the top of the foot during competition and/or battle…and/or if Missy sees you wearing these.

My Evil Plan

Check out darksites.com

Congratulations on being the creator of a new

Evil Plan ™!

Your objective is simple: Soul Accumulation.

Your motive is a little bit more complex: Evil – It’s my nature

Stage One

To begin your plan, you must first seduce a town mascot. This will cause the world to slaughter a sacred calf to appease the gods, amazed by your arrival. Who is this despoiler of all that is good and nice and true? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good in a supervillain costume with gimmicks?

Stage Two

Next, you must destroy the pacific ocean. This will all be done from a hell, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will die in a way you just don’t want to think about, as countless hordes of animal minions (rats, birds, etc.) hasten to do your every bidding.

Stage Three

Finally, you must send forth your needlessly big weather machine, bringing about an end to sanity. Your name shall become synonymous with the spice girls, and no man will ever again dare sabotage your music career. Everyone will bow before your mind-boggling insanity, and the world will have no choice but to pray to you for enlightenment.

I am Mizalania

From TotalDUI.com…

DUI Arrest Causes Man to Claim He is a Country

By Gerri L. Elder

If you have been arrested for DUI, you need a good defense strategy. Claiming to be a country probably isn’t one.

Scott Allan Witmer, 44, was arrested for DUI in Easton, Pennsylvania this week. From jail, he decided to declare sovereignty and become his own country. Without the help of a lawyer, he managed to file paperwork – claiming sovereignty – with the court in Northampton County.

Witmer’s bold move is an attempt to deny Pennsylvania courts’ jurisdiction over him. However, this cunning plan may have backfired. The judge who examined the sovereignty claim has decided Witmer cannot be released from jail until he undergoes a mental exam.

At a hearing on the matter, Witmer represented himself. He cleverly explained to the court that there was no victim of his alleged crime, and furthermore, he lives inside himself and not in Pennsylvania, therefore the state’s laws do not apply to him. He then asked to go to trial, apparently with full belief in his sturdy defense. The judge’s decision to order a psychiatric evaluation comes as no surprise.

James Connell, a local defense attorney, is on standby to defend Witmer. At the moment, Witmer does not wish to be represented by a lawyer. However, he could change his mind before going to trial.

DUI lawyers may find many ways to defend their clients. Declaring sovereignty is generally not one of them.

After a person has been arrested for DUI, a defense lawyer can question the constitutionality of the traffic stop based on probable cause. If an officer did not have probable cause to stop a vehicle, in some instances the DUI case may be dismissed. Drivers who were stopped by police based on race or ethnicity or on some other whim may have a strong case for dismissal.

If a DUI defendant was not read the Miranda warning before being questioned by the police, certain evidence may be inadmissible. Without strong evidence, prosecutors may decide not to pursue the case.

When breath test evidence or blood evidence is present and indicates the driver was above the legal blood alcohol content limit, a DUI lawyer may challenge the breath test equipment or collection, handling and testing of the blood sample. Medical or scientific expert witnesses may also be used at trial to refute the evidence and challenge the results of the blood alcohol content testing.

The reputation and record of the arresting officer may also be challenged at a DUI trial. If an officer has a disciplinary record or some other questionable history, a DUI lawyer may use this to cast doubt on the officer’s account of the incident on the arrest report.

In any event, declaring sovereignty is a radical move and not likely to be an effective DUI defense.